Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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