Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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