He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
