i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
