i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
