My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
