You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
