Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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