My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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