Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
