We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
