My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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