Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
