i don't like sucking hair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
