she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
