with your own penis?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
