...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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