I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
