My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
