is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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