Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
