I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
