You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
