can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
