You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
