speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
