Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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