Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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