why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
