and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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