the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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