just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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