just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
