In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
