OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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