I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
