Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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