Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
