My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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