i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
