I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just forgot I was standing up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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