party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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