they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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