Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
