A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
