I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
