I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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