I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
