I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
