And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
