In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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