I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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