Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize