Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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