I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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