You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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