My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I need moral support for this bender
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
