hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
