I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
