Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
