Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
