Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
