yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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