i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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