Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
