oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize