this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
